Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I dunno what's with all these nightmares I'm having - getting shoot, cut, bleed to death and all horrible things. Even in my sleep, I can't find peace of mind. Oh God! Please have mercy. I'm very thankful that at least now I get to talk with people just to make myself forget I'm forever alone and never mind lols.. Amen.

I thank the omni being that even shit happens most of the time, I still have friends who can deal with my awkwardness and my mental instability. Sometimes I just need to tire myself out of laughing unreasonably. Please bare with me if I talk about so many things. I just need to unwind.

Why won't you take me out to somewhere? lols.. If you only know how badly I need someone to talk to. Maybe we really should, idk or not. Never mind. I'm just a sister after all - at least I got sibling-zoned. Worse than friendzoned. gfhgghdhyujtfdthg hgfjghuyyuiyty. If you happen to understand, I hope you would.. Someday. ... ...

It seems so long like we haven't talked for years that seem forever. I just want to say "Hi", "How are you?" and "I hope you are doing fine". Sorry if I had been too stubborn and sorry that I fucked up and messed everything. I hope you are not hating me now though I know you won't talk to me by any chance again.

I thought I've seen the light but I was mistaken again. :)) I don't care if you get back with your bitch.. HOHOHO, I understand she's just the only choice you have at the moment. Your bad, there will be no way I'd get back on you :P

Thursday, November 17, 2011

forever alone?



I need a lid of that shit. Gimme a lid of that shit. I need a lid of that shit. WAAAA!!! I'm back to myself - alive and loathing. :)) Never mind, I'm getting a life - maybe someday.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

taking a break?

First, I was like "What the fuck?" but I gave it a try because I want to learn the secret.

I watched The Secret and it revealed the Law of Attraction to me. It implies that thoughts make things thus people should not focus on thinking about what they do not want in life but instead they should think more of what they want in life. The key is not thinking about HOW you will get to it but the key is having that inner joy and happiness in life as if you already have it. It's what you think that you attract so you should not think often of what you do not want to attract.

If someone is lost and needing motivation, I suggest you give it a shot. ( I know you will think, "What the fuck, you poser optimist?" ) But there are so many things that you might miss: The Secret to Money, Relationships, Health, Youth, Life and so on - just give it a try. Then after that you can cuss me.. lols

I've been psyching myself away from negative thoughts for quite sometime now and I'm feeling good about it. Maybe the secret just works.

After watching the movie, this quote from Paulo Coelho just came to my thought: "When you really want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it". Maybe he knows the secret too. :)

Nevermind.. "What the fuck did i type again?".

Thursday, September 29, 2011


AUGUST. I was lost.
SEPTEMBER. I am still lost.

I don't want to give a fuck.
I just couldn't give a fuck.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


life is fair..

there's just so much bull,
in this chaotic world

thank OMNI-being
is in the MIND
just in the mind :P

Monday, June 13, 2011

for ears don't hear

it's not just saying "fuck off"..
sometimes it  takes the courage to  raise your middle finger
against the world of arseholes making a fool of you


Monday, April 25, 2011

when i was younger, before the days i had the fear of dogs..
there was pediophobia and ornithoscelidaphobia..
i was scared of mannequins (thank god not up to this time)
and until now i still fear dinosaurs x.X
strange but i love Land Before Time still

Saturday, March 26, 2011


most of the time people are wrong, thinking i am wrong.. and now i'm bored so i will be wrong, to prove they are right - that i am wrong..

life never fail to fail me

Saturday, March 19, 2011


everyone deserves to be happy, so do you?
most of the time, i pretend i don't care
because i don't want to get caught affected
and  also because i WANT to MOVE ON
and get a life

but LIFE doesn't want me.. i guess
so my life's a mess of shit over and over and over AGAIN

for many times, i tried to be optimistic
but i always fail myself
maybe i'm being so much self absorbed
i want many things
so many, that i often forget
so many, that i often get overwhelmed
which leads me the courage to begin a new path
but in the middle, i always start to doubt myself
and then, i give up..
so i always end up with nothing but uncertainty

this is how fucked up my life's cycle is..

Thursday, March 17, 2011


"she's not sick.. mentally though, she is"
that's how real "real friends" talk to you
or at least it was just for me.. lol..

i know my sanity has left me,
or it was just as i thought

for i have had none


now, i don't care again
i don't care if people fuck with my life
'cause i'll understand they just can't get their own LIFE to fuck with

i won't care whatever shit they say
'cause i believe in EA
misery loves company
and company loves more
more loves everybody else
but hell is others

as of now, i'm still hoping
for better things
not yet the "best things" though..

i will am very thankful to the omni-being for everything
i will be very very very thankful if i won't flunk PROG4
so help us GOD

hoping this light won't leave me :">

Sunday, February 13, 2011


i thought life was fair
then once again it proved it isn't
i had the thought that i was strong enough
but everything got fucked up again
when i collapsed in pieces
and struggled to pick myself up once again

though i have made it

i'm still afraid
but i hope fear won't swallow me whole

i know you're just there 'cause you're omni and everywhere
i would like to thank you for giving me your beautiful people
and i hope you wouldn't take them away from me
before you take me away from them
all i hope is peace of mind, and i would be very thankful
if you'll grant me of such. amen.

i hope your light wouldn't leave
and i wish you won't get tired of making me see
i thank you for everything
just please please don't leave me in a dark cell
without a trace of life

i know it had been sweet
but ended up bitter sweet
i hope you get a life as soon as possible
and i hope i'll get mine too
you know, your words never fail to suck all the life out me
i just dunno what's with me or what's with you
i just hope we get our lives
your life
my life
not one life
i mean
separate lives

life has been a bitch to you
don't wait for your moment to die
just live and make your life
feel the wind and 
be strong
don't tear yourself apart

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


i thought i had enough of "hating"
and that this blog won't serve me any longer

but i had second thoughts of writing here again
so here i am now - writing without knowing where to go

life has starting to be fair now
and i hope this continues
it's not that i don't feel like shit anymore
actually i'm glad to stink and still have flies around me
even if i've been stepped on
it's better that i still exist than gone with the wind